Channeling session with my spirit guides

December 2023 session transcript

“We are here,” announced my spirit guides the moment Demi connected with their energy.

“They present themselves as a council. There is a main speaker of the forum and the others are sitting around the table. One is the speaker at the moment and there are three on each side of the speaker,” Demi described.

“We are your council,” said the speaker. “It is important for you to understand that we are your council, not a puppeteer. We are not here to manipulate your journey. We are not here to narrate the story for you. We are here to be just that: a council. And we are here to advise you in the spaces you want to go.

“You are the ultimate creator and right now your path is about understanding what you want to create. It’s about understanding the resonance of the human experience. It’s about understanding everything you’ve experienced up to this point in your life and now what you want to do with it.

“Yes, there is a karmic plan laid out, such as certain timelines when your own energy expires. However, you truly have the reins. And right now we see you at a turning point where you’re really called to reflect on everywhere you have been and receive the wisdom of that to the deepest depth. To see the wisdom you have gained and to see the journey you have experienced. And then to decide what you want the next chapter of your life to look like.”

Demi offered context: “It’s important to understand they only pull the strings you allow them to pull because you are your greatest creator. Being in your power means you come into a deeper understanding that you are your greatest creator and you’re able to lead your life in a new way.”

She paused, sensing the shift in the council’s tone.

“The speaker who is coming forward in the moment—it’s really interesting because it shifts from a masculine to a feminine energy. It tends to hold a little more of the masculine energy. I really feel this masculine energy is the speaker of the house, so to speak, and is exemplifying the need for you to continue in action.

“This is more of a time of planning and of strategy and of really creating the foundations and the stability for where it is you want to go from here. It’s almost as if you are building the structure of a house. It’s as if the soul is ready to move from its current house into a new one. Now, that doesn’t mean it moves outside the physical body; it just means we’re rebuilding the structure, like a renovation,” Demi said.

“Where do you want to go from here?” asked the speaker.

I laughed. “Are they reading my mind?”

I hadn’t shared it yet, but just before this session I’d written in my notebook: “Suggestions for future.” I genuinely didn’t know where I wanted to go. I wasn’t used to making decisions for myself because my mother never let me have my own thoughts—let alone my own future.

“Mmhm,” Demi knowingly nodded.

My guides didn’t hesitate. “Take the pen in your hand, close your eyes, feel into your heart, take a few breaths there, and then just write down a few words—whatever words come to you,” said the speaker.

I picked up my pen and lowered it to the page, completely out of view from my laptop’s camera. I closed my eyes and tried to listen. Tried to quiet the judgmental noise in my mind. What came through felt too simple and boring. I expected something profound, something wise or symbolic. Not this.

I wrote three words, but I dismissed the third word thinking it was redundant.

BEACH

PAINT

I love the beach, even though I live nowhere near one. And I love painting with watercolors, even though I haven’t picked up a brush in years.

Still, there they were. Two tiny breadcrumbs from my own heart.

“Do not judge what is being experienced because the true call of your heart is what you wrote down,” the speaker said.

“They’re showing me a lot of self judgement for you wanting to move away,” Demi added. “There’s almost this judgement on yourself for wanting to move away from your family and from what’s being built and created here. It’s as if you’re not allowing yourself to move away because of the commitments to the family unit and your children.

“Also, there is this sense of needing to be there for your children because nobody was there for you. This is keeping you from really being able to tune into the frequencies of where you want to go.”

She was right. My husband and I have talked for years about how amazing it would be to live at the beach in an oceanfront home, not just vacation there for a week. But all three of our adult children and our granddaughter live close by in Ohio, so moving away has always felt impossible.

Add in our rocky financial history on top of my upbringing—I’d buried that dream so far down I forgot it was mine.

“Your time in the area that you’re [currently] living in is expiring. It is coming up for expiration because it doesn’t have the frequency to hold you where you want to go,” the speaker said.

My time here is expiring? What does that even mean? What’s next?

The next thing they said almost knocked me out of my chair: “It’s not just the beach—the feeling and the texture of the sand make you feel at home,” the speaker said.

The third word I’d heard earlier while holding the pen, eyes closed, listening for the words from my heart was SAND! That’s the word I’d judged as redundant. Of course there’s sand at the beach, I’d thought, so that word doesn’t count.

But the speaker said it. SAND.

Demi could see how surprised I was. She smiled gently.

“There are many transformative qualities of sand. I’m seeing a bottle of beach sand. Take some out, rub some between your fingers. Allow yourself to feel the beach sand’s energy and really feel the energy until you can actually, physically move to the beach,” Demi said.

They weren’t just encouraging me to long for it. They were guiding me toward it.

“I feel this is something you are really being called to look at and to explore. I feel a beach home is meant to be your primary home and then revisit the area where you currently live during the summer months. Let go of the guilt and the shame around wanting to shift your life and shift where you live. From your husband’s perspective, there is a lot more opportunity for him in that area because of the frequency that it holds,” Demi explained.

“Yes, this is landing in well for me,” I confirmed. “Just last week my husband was talking about living in Florida when it’s cold and dreary during winter in Ohio and wondering how he can make money in Florida so we can stay there longer than a week. This is an opportunity for me to realize that the things I long for are present in my heart for a reason.”

“You want to know how we communicate with you. This is one of the ways. We reflect back to you that which your soul truly desires. It’s the longing, the desiring, and the dreaming. The dreams are put on your heart because it is what your soul longs to experience and it’s the direction your soul is giving you,” the speaker said.

I reminded myself of something that has anchored me since beginning these sessions: I’m not a human with a soul—I’m a soul having a human experience.

And that soul has been whispering one dream over and over again. The beach. The ocean. The texture of sand beneath my feet.

That deep, cellular longing makes so much sense now.

Our desire to live in an oceanfront home isn’t just a fantasy.

It’s direction.

It’s soul memory!

It’s the next expression of what we came here to do—both me and my husband.

“It feels so natural,” I said, referring to our shared desire to live by the ocean.

“Are we talking Florida as the beach area?”

“I do see Florida,” Demi said, “and I also see potential for South Carolina or North Carolina. It has to do with the frequency of the sun and the way that it lands. I’m seeing the east coast of Florida—West Palm Beach area or south of that.”

We’ve vacationed in all three of those places. Hearing them spoken aloud felt like confirmation. We’ve been circling this dream for years.

“Don’t pressure yourself to get a home on the beach right away. A home in close proximity to the beach will be fine for now. There will be two moves. The first move will be a home near the beach that you’re renting for a year or two. Then, you will move into your home on the beach. You get to have what you want, but don’t delay the journey by not being able to get the beach home right away. Take the first step and know it’s OK,” encouraged the speaker.

Wow! And, here I thought I wasn’t going to be able to hear any potential insight into my future.

“What is the first step?” I asked. I was genuinely unsure.

Only now, while writing about this session two months later do I realize how deeply the conditioning from my upbringing still runs.

The belief that I don’t deserve good things, that joy isn’t safe, that ease isn’t allowed.

That wanting more—especially something as “luxurious” as living on the beach—makes me selfish, ungrateful, and unrealistic.

I now realize I wasn’t just asking for guidance. I was asking for permission. Permission to want. Permission to begin.

“The first step could be the inland home,” said Demi.

“You are still moving through the financial upgrades and until you allow yourself to fully move into the upgrade, it’s going to be more difficult. Don’t stop the process. Allow yourself to experience the step, and then experience the step into that next identity. You’ve done a lot of identity shifting coming into your true self and working on your money story. There are still some pieces that have not fully landed in yet,” explained the speaker.

“It’s a time factor,” Demi explained. “It’s not anything you’re doing wrong or something you’re not doing. It’s simply about allowing the human vessel and your energetic capacity to catch up to what it is you’re creating.”

The fact that I’m not doing anything wrong and that it’s not something I’m not doing was an exhale.

Because for most of my life, I believed I wasn’t allowed to have money, let alone spend it on something joyful.

My financial identity was shaped by lack, guilt, and unworthiness.

I sometimes feel like money has to come with suffering in order to be deserved.

So, when my guides spoke about financial upgrades and allowing the next identity to land, I realized the first step wasn’t just about location—it was about liberation from old beliefs, from inherited money fears, and from the lie that money and joy can’t coexist.

“We want you to know we remain nameless. It’s not about attaching to our identity. It’s about leaning into our energy. We want you to focus on understanding that each guide holds a different frequency. There is a guide that is the nurturer, there is a guide that holds more of that masculine stance like a trusted father,” said the speaker.

“Is my mom part of my soul council?” I asked.

“She is not. She is available for you to communicate with, but she isn’t somebody we would consider on your soul council.” Demi replied.

“The guide who is stepping forward now presents as female. She really seems to embody more of an anchored feminine energy,” Demi informed me.

“Do no harm, but take no shit,” said the feminine council member, referring to advocating for myself.

“That’s exactly what she said!” Demi added, laughing with me.

“I love you!” I blurted out to my sassy guide.

“The embodiment of the human while holding the higher-self perspective. I really feel like her resonance is most closely related to you really being in your power. I see her as this embodiment of you. As this embodiment of understanding how to lead yourself as much as you want to lead others and knowing that you—it’s from this place of not looking to others so much as you have your entire life, even looking to your soul council,” Demi said.

I nodded, taking it all in.

“This is just a pattern you are shifting onto different people or different entities or different energies,” Demi continued. “I’m not as dependent on my parents, I’m not as dependent on my husband, I’m not as dependent on my guides. I am fully dependent on me.

Know you can still utilize their energy, but it’s about drawing their frequency into you and using that as your channel to create, your channel to walk about life. Does that make sense to you?”

“It does. I love hearing from them and from everyone you’ve channeled for me. But I’m at the point where I want to make sure I don’t make a misstep. I want to do what I’m here to do and I don’t want to waste anymore time. I want to make sure—this is the path, I’ll gas my car, and I’ll go. I don’t want to veer off the path or veer in the wrong direction,” I answered.

I feel like I’ve veered in the wrong direction most of my life.

“The feminine council guide is pointing at your notebook where you wrote BEACH and PAINTING and SAND from your heart resonance,” Demi said.

“The missteps are not following the beach and painting and sand. There is no ‘there’ to get to,” said my sassy feminine council guide.

“Oh,” I said, confused. “There isn’t a final destination?”

“No,” she replied. “Earth is a playground. There is no final destination at the playground. Allow yourself to have goals and visions and dreams, yet there is no mile marker that says you’re there. The moment you realize you are worthy now, not when you get there, you are worthy now is when life gets to propel differently for you.”

It was starting to click. The joy is in the longing. The dreams are divine. And the playground doesn’t have fences.

“You and your husband are karmic soul partners. I feel you’ve incarnated many lifetimes. They’re showing me it’s been a very long time since the two of you have been mated in this way. That’s why there’s so much intense adoration from both of your perspectives. It feels easy. It feels natural. It feels like this is just where I’m supposed to be and it’s always been where I’m supposed to be.

“The reason the two of you have such an aligned ideal of what you want life to look like is because you are soul partners. Understand that as the two of you drop in this dream of living on the beach together, it only creates a wider frequency and reverberates through the universe at a greater speed. It’s important the two of you form a united front around what it looks like now for your husband to work in Florida. What are some of the ways he can begin to make those relationships now versus feeling like it has to be done in the future,” Demi said.

I’m incredibly fortunate I didn’t marry a narcissist, unlike so many other sons and daughters of narcissistic parents. Our love is safe, mutual, and alive.

“It’ll be devastating for our kids if we move to Florida,” I said.

“You have to let the feelings of guilt and abandonment go. You are far more useful to them from the aspect of moving versus being right here and available because of how the relationships get to shift.

“Your heart is saying this is our next step and where we want to go for our next chapter, but your mind is saying that people will be upset. You have a decision to make for how you want this story to play out. ‘Do I want to trust the guidance of my heart and my soul or do I want my story to play out that I want my mind to keep me trapped in my current reality?‘

“The part of your ego mind that is scared of upsetting your children is the part of you that is scared of the up level and scared of the next phase of your life. This is where you have to choose the evolution of evolving with your soul or remaining in the current circumstance trying to control the way it comes through to you. Allow it to be more of a fluid movement of steps versus doing everything at once,” Demi said.

“We know you have questions around writing your story. You know exactly what you need to finish. There is nothing else that we can tell you that you don’t already know. It is now about finishing the pieces that you need to finish while beginning the sharing process.

“Do not prolong the process because we want to get this out as quickly as we can. Start communicating to your audience what you’re doing. There are many steps that are meant to be in play right now—creatively and strategic aspects together.

“One of the things we want you to write about is what it feels like to have forgiveness for the person. What does it feel like? Is that a process you’re still moving through? Don’t feel as if you need to be in a space of fully forgiving, but be honest about the spaces you’re still holding on to, if any. What forgiveness means to you and how you’re using it as a tool for your growth,” informed my soul council.

[The following wasn’t spoken in-session, but written specially for The Convos.

Well, here goes. Forgiveness wasn’t part of my vocabulary while my mother was alive. Back then it was a trauma-shaped performance I’d perfected in order to survive.

My mother would abuse me—sometimes viciously, sometimes subtly—and then I’d show up on her proverbial doorstep with a fucking proverbial casserole and an apology. What I didn’t know back then was that I’d need a table for three: me, my mother, and her beast within.

Because somewhere along the way, I learned that if I could just be nice enough, helpful enough, forgiving enough…maybe she’d love me back. Maybe the abuse would stop. Maybe I could keep the peace. I used to call that love. I know now it was survival.

I’m not sure I could’ve forgiven my mother while she was alive. I only had eight months between realizing what she was and the day she died. I didn’t have the space, the tools, or the emotional muscle back then—I was still climbing out of the aftermath.

But time combined with her death combined with these channeling sessions has been a quiet, wonderful friend. These channeling sessions—especially the ones with her—have really helped me (that’s why I’m sharing them with you).

Please hear me—I’m not saying it’s impossible to forgive an abusive mother while she’s alive. I’m saying I couldn’t. Not from the inside of that dynamic. Not while I was still absorbing new wounds and anticipating more harm. My nervous system couldn’t unclench long enough to access the truth, let alone forgiveness. For me, it only became possible when the threat ended after she was gone.

What it feels like to have forgiveness for my mother: I feel open. Light. Relieved. Whole. I can breathe again. I’m not bracing and flinching anymore. I also feel very grounded and hopeful.

Is forgiveness a process I’m still moving through: Before my first channeling session with my mother’s spirit in July 2023, forgiveness wasn’t even on my radar. I wasn’t seeking it and I sure as hell wasn’t ready for it. I was still trying to breathe through the weight of everything.

But something moved as each channeling session unfolded and as my neutral lens of observation became clearer and my lens of abuse fell away. As I sat with her words from spirit—not the woman I’d known in life, but the spirit behind the damage—I began to understand the context, the karmic loops, the pre-birth agreements, the pain she carried, and the pain she passed on. Understanding is a huge key for me!

Jeshua explained it so clearly in Session 5: forgiveness of self must come first. For the rage I felt. For the hatred I carried. For the years I believed I must have been unlovable, or else she would have loved me. That was a big key, too.

So no, forgiveness isn’t a process I’m stuck in anymore. I’m no longer spinning my wheels in that confusing early stage while asking myself, Should I forgive? Can I? Do I have to? I’ve moved past the paralysis and pressure that often come with feeling like forgiveness is some kind of moral obligation. I’m not in that place anymore.

But yes—it’s still unfolding. Not because I’m clinging to the pain. I’m not stuck in resentment. I’m not looping in trauma. I’m not refusing to let go. Quite the opposite: I’m letting go piece by piece, layer by layer. Because forgiveness isn’t a single event. It’s a slow, layered, organic process that keeps evolving as I evolve. New insights surface and old pain reappears, but with different eyes. And I keep forgiving from new angles as I grow into more of my truth. It’s turned into a beautiful love affair.

The pain, the blame, the survival strategies—they shaped my identity for so long. And as I release them, I’m not just forgiving. I’m remembering who I am. I’m discovering who I get to be now even though this discovery part is still unfolding.

Be honest about the spaces you’re still holding on to: I’m still holding on to the space involving my sibling. Their treatment of me was bullying. There’s probably a pre-birth contract between us.

I haven’t shifted to my lens of observation yet because honestly, I’ve been so focused on my mother that I just don’t have space for my sibling right now. And beneath that indifference is fear. I still fear what they could—or would—do to me. They’re ruthless and vindictive, just like my mother was.

The truth is I’ve found it easier to forgive some who’s dead. When my mother died, the threat of future harm died with her. I didn’t have to brace for the next manipulation, the next lie, the next ambush. But with my sibling, that threat still exists. Forgiveness feels riskier when the person still has access to you or could find a way back in.

We’re estranged. When I’m ready, I know healing the sibling wound will begin with forgiving myself first for how I feel about them, just like Jeshua advised.

What forgiveness means to me: Honestly, how do you explain something that rewrites your insides at the cellular level? It means everything because I’m free.

How I’m using forgiveness as a tool for growth: Forgiveness gave me wings. I’m not weighed down by rage or trapped in cycles of needing something she’ll never give. And because I’m not dragging all that behind me, I can move through my growth faster and more fluidly.

Back to the channeling session.]

“There’s an energy that comes through now that really holds the resonance of grace. This energy really feels like that nurturing, loving energy you can fall into,” Demi said.

“We want you to turn to yourself and give yourself grace on a daily basis. This has a lot to do with your go-getter energy, yet giving yourself grace and gratitude every single day. Allow softness to come into you, allow nurturing and mothering experiences to be something you are facilitating for yourself on a daily basis,” the graceful energy said.

“OK. I love that.”

Give myself grace and gratitude every day. Allow the softness. Nurture myself the way my mother never did. Roger that.

“The money factor with moving…” I began to ask.

It’s just not feasible to make such a major move if our financial picture remains the way it’s been. Honestly, I’m so fucking tired of our financial issues.

“Trust. Just trust,” encouraged my soul council.

Trust is another wound I’m still healing. This snowbird move to a beach house in Florida will benefit me in ways I can already feel—it’s something that will fill me with daily joy and happiness. I can already see how the beach house is going to change me.

“There is an energy of your husband taking the lead a little bit. Really encourage him to begin to create his connections in FL. Sit down together and make a list of the things that are important to you and that you desire from your move. Allow yourselves just to begin to move one foot, one step,” Demi urged.

Light bulb moment for me: “Oh! We’re getting the energy in motion with our early steps!” I said.

“It’s always you go first, then the universe responds. You can’t wait for the universe to respond. You take the action steps, you begin to have the conversations, you begin to put the energy in motion and everything propels itself from there,” Demi said.

The session closed too soon, as they always do.

“In closing out this session, we thank those energies that made themselves present, we thank the guides in the council who came through. Please continue to show yourself to Carole and help her feel supported in your presence. I’m feeling them leave now.” Demi said.

My final channeling session was right around the corner.

I already knew who I wanted Demi to channel next.