Channeling session with my mom & Jeshua

December 2023 session transcript

“Today we are calling forward the energy and love of Jeshua ben Joseph and your mom. I am feeling mom coming through first and foremost. I’m feeling her more directly in the center of my channel; normally, she’s off to my right, sitting. I’m feeling the presence of Jeshua right here [motions to her right], giving your mom and her energy center stage,” Demi said.

My mom’s spirit came through first, opening this session with some beautiful words.

“Thank you. The biggest thing I want to thank you for is the forgiveness, not only of me and the abusive embodiment of who I was in this lifetime, but also the forgiveness of yourself for the way you’ve been able to look at yourself from an objective perspective.

“It’s one thing to be able to look at me from that objective place instead of the abusive place, but to really be able to look at yourself from that objective place and to understand yourself at a deeper capacity—you got it. You got the understanding of why these things happen and why our commitment to each other was the way that it was because it was calling you into this greater awareness of yourself. Thank you,” she said.

Demi could tell I was confused by what my mom was thanking me for.

She explained: “I feel this was a karmic cycle of many lifetimes for the two of you. It wasn’t just this lifetime the two of you engaged in this level of difficult relationship. It was many lifetimes you both came in this way to help one another to remember your connection to Source to a deeper degree.  So, the fact that you got it, you’ve been able to love, you’ve been able to forgive, you’ve been able to remember—that karmic cycle is broken.

“I got full body chills when I said that the karmic cycle is broken. The two of you now, from the soul level, able to begin to form a new level of relationship and a new level of—mmmm, this is really interesting—of being a mirror for one another,” Demi said.

I asked Demi what it means when we get full-body chills. We’d both experienced them simultaneously during certain moments of our many channeling sessions.

“Full body chills like that is the cellular knowing, so it is the confirmation of what is being brought forward,” she said.

“You had wondered early during one of our previous sessions how you were able to still remain as loving as you were with the shadow of me being as abusive and as narcissistic as I was,” my mom’s spirit reminded me.

“Jeshua is nodding with your mom,” Demi said.

Jeshua is nodding with my mom—I’m mind blown while simultaneously loving this moment!

My mom’s spirit continued, “Understanding the two ends of the spectrum and allowing ourselves to find the balance in the middle. There is light and there is darkness. There is darkness in the light and there is light in the darkness. Allowing those two ends of this spectrum to really bring forward that deeper space of union, that deeper space of coming into our fullness as spirit in human form.”

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this message about understanding the two ends of the spectrum and allowing ourselves to find the balance in the middle.

Then Jeshua stepped forward.

“Carole, begin to understand your Christlike nature more expressively and begin to understand the way that you naturally embody the gifts that I, that Christ, brought forward inside of my human experience: love, tenderness, forgiveness, compassion.

“The more you can see yourself as the embodiment of those gifts, the easier it’s going to be to live from that space of overflow because when you’re disconnecting yourself from those I AM aspects of love, tenderness, forgiveness, compassion, that is where we create the divide and step out of our embodiment of spirit. When you question am I compassionate, am I loving, versus saying I AM that, it begins to create the divide.”

I’ve always been loving, tender, forgiving, and compassionate. But, the abuse I experienced made me hide those attributes because they were perceived by my dysfunctional, toxic family as weaknesses.

These gifts are what enabled me to consistently try to love my mom. To consistently extend compassion to her, to consistently be tender with her amid the abuse, and to ultimately begin to forgive her during these channeling sessions as my understanding of everything continually landed in.

But, I questioned those gifts because the harder I tried to convey them, the harder they were resisted—met instead with more abuse, bullying, or shame.

“I’m feeling the energy of Jeshua being a little more quiet, not from a space of not wanting to be present, but really from a space of radiating the fact that you already know the answers,” Demi said.  “This is one of those times where yes, there are going to be questions answered (they’re showing me your list of questions) and yes, we’re going to answer your questions, but know this is to validate what you already know to be true.

“This is truly that time — you can ask the questions, but you already know the answer. Allow this space to be one that anchors in your trust so deeply that you don’t need to ask questions anymore and you know the guidance you inherently receive is that channeling of Jeshua, is that channeling of your mom, is that channeling of your angels, is that channeling of your guides. That said, I’ll give you the floor,” said Demi.

“When Jeshua mentioned the divide and stepping out of our embodiment of spirit, it’s interesting to me because all those good I AM things he mentioned — love, tenderness, forgiveness, compassion — I was abused or cruelly shamed for expressing them. So, now it’s like I’m coming back home to my truth.

“This is a big takeaway for me. I came here [as a human] with all those great I AM things, then my mother abused or shamed me for them, I’ve been on this path of healing, and now I’m at the point where I realize she abused all of that out of me in order for me to come back to center,” I said.

“It was never that it was abused out of you; rather, it’s that you forgot,” Demi said.

“And I chose to come here to forget what it is like to be separated from Source, right?” I asked.

This is a big a-ha! moment for me.

Demi nodded. “Things can never be truly taken away. And even your mom in that state of her abusive humanness was still all those good things. It was the human condition, the separated state. It was all still there, but she forgot.”

“We all know inherently what love is,” Jeshua added, “and through healing the human separation we are able to begin to see that love within ourselves versus looking at it to happen outside of ourselves through another person. And, the more we can embody the love for ourselves, the more we’re going to have an understanding of the ways people can meet us based upon their own journey and where they’re at, and still be able to hold a space of love and adoration and respect for ourselves regardless of the actions or the behaviors they are portraying.”

So, the more I embody a strong love for myself, then the more I understand how others show up in my life. I can see their behavior as a reflection of their own journey, even if they don’t change in this lifetime, like my mom didn’t.

No matter how someone presents themselves to me, I now know I’m equipped to hold a steady space of self-respect. That doesn’t mean I condone abusive behavior. Instead, it means my self-love is stronger than their behavior or its impact on me.

“Jeshua, the previous time we talked you mentioned that there are rapidly moving parts that are taking place as I heal. Can you please expand on that or explain what that means?” I asked.

“You know what it is. It is you allowing yourself to claim your power in a rapid state and going beyond the old belief systems that you once held. Allowing all of this to happen in an overnight fashion versus holding the belief that it needs to take months or years in order to have that change take place,” he replied.

His words are such a relief. I had always assumed transformation needed to be long and grueling. That I’d have to suffer more in order to heal. But Jeshua was saying I could allow it to be rapid. That change could be instant. That healing could arrive in a single moment if I was willing to receive it.

I turned to Demi. “My mom mentioned that she stayed tethered in a particular spot during her inter-life phase. Where and why did she stay tethered?”

“The tethering had to do with allowing the information to come through from the frequency that it needed to come through in order to be offered into your writing. In order for her to be able to really reflect on her experience in that human embodiment, there is a frequency that she had to remain tethered to.

“They are showing me a crystal with many facets to it as a way of showing the many reasons why she remained tethered, but I feel like the answer you’re looking for in this moment is that of being able to be present with you as you moved through this process with writing your story.

“And when it comes to where she is now, what I’m really shown is the expansive void, I’m shown the nothingness, I’m shown that neutral state of being. When we think of the universe and the vastness of spirit, it is really where her energy is coming from.

“I’m seeing a night sky and her being one of those stars in the night sky saying, ‘I’m here.’ It’s a space of complete freedom and awareness, a space of observation and being-ness. When you think of truly returning to our natural state, this is where I feel her,” Demi said.

“I find myself being obsessed with my mom now. Why am I obsessed with her?”

“I feel that one of the main things is that you’re seeing the reflection she holds. And you’re finding a different level of fascination with the intricacies. This is how you work. You like to know the reasons why and to follow the trail like Nancy Drew,” Demi said.

I laughed at the Nancy Drew reference. My mom had loved those mystery books when she was a teenager in the early 1960s, which Demi didn’t know.

“You enjoy connecting the dots and there are a lot of dots to connect. Yes, it has to do with your healing, but it’s also just really being able to see how everything connects and how intricate it all is that brings your fascination,” she replied.

Yep. That’s how I am.

“Will my mom reincarnate soon and will she be part of my life in a loving, kind way?”

“I do feel that there is the potential for her to come back. There is still a determination happening there, though,” Demi said.

“Mom, can you talk about our soul contract?”

“There have been many lifetimes of the two of you rolling through the motions like a tumbleweed rolling over and over and over. It’s important to understand that from the spirit perspective a lifetime is truly just the blink of an eye,” Demi explained.

“We’ve been rolling through the motions for many lifetimes,” my mom’s spirit confirmed.

After the session I asked Demi if she could see some of the lifetimes my mom and I had shared—the ones connected to the ties in our karmic bond. Her reply was fascinating.

She said my mom and I were sisters in a lifetime during the late 1700s or early 1800s. I was the older sister with a caretaker role. My mom—who was my younger sister in that incarnation—died in an accident at the age of eight. There is a karmic bond tied to that lifetime, one that centers on forgiveness. Specifically, me forgiving myself for not being able to take better care of her. This is transferable into my current lifetime where there is some residual guilt for not being able to take better care of her during that lifetime.

In another lifetime, during the mid-1800s, I was my mom’s father. She was the eldest child in a large family. Her mother—my wife in that lifetime—died early on from smallpox. I became ill in my later years and was emotionally and physically absent from the family. My mom, as my daughter in that lifetime, was tasked with taking care of me. But she did so with resentment. Demi explained that this charge in the energy—the bitterness, the distrust—may have been pulled from that earlier lifetime where our roles were reversed, and I couldn’t save her. She resented the burden and she didn’t care for me as she could have. The karmic energy between us kept repeating. It was a loop.

Demi didn’t receive any information about lifetimes prior to those two. The next one she was shown was this one—my mom’s current lifetime beginning in the mid-1940s, and mine beginning in the late 1960s.

And here again the pattern re-emerged. In this lifetime, her biological father was an abusive alcoholic who was emotionally absent from the family. Just like the father I had been to her in that earlier life.

I asked Demi to explain what a karmic cycle is.

“A karmic cycle is a cycle that has been repeated or a lesson that has been repeated through many lifetimes. It can take several lifetimes to land in. The example of you and your mom where there was the embodiment of you taking care of her, her taking care of you—the resonance left at the spirit layer and the way that has replayed itself in this lifetime, yet you have been able to break this particular karmic cycle.

“There was a great pullback inside of humanity before there could be the launch forward. A lot of the tumbleweed the two of you went through was about just being in that pullback and allowing the pullback to take place, slowly and gently creating these generational experiences that have dampened the—they show me the DNA and the cellular structure because this has such an important role in the way we are operating in humanity.

“The DNA and the cellular structure are the record keepers and whenever there are certain things coded into that recording, it makes the human operate in a particular way.

“So, the ways that the two of you have been through your lifetimes just moving through the same motions and creating this coding inside of the cellular structure—now what is happening is there’s like a sonic boom where you are having that big awakening and it’s busting you both back open and taking you both back to your natural state of love. It’s all been part of the process. It’s always been part of the great plan for the separation to happen and then the union to happen.”

Jeshua added, “One of the beliefs held is that there’s a great union when we’re taken back to our blissful state of being. But, actually what takes place is the separation repeating itself. This is the natural progression of the universe. This is the natural progression of the life cycles of spirit coming into human form: to forget and remember, to forget and remember. It’s the expansion and the contraction. This is why you’re called to not judge any of it, but just truly live in the fullness of the experience and let the journey be the journey.”

“Does anyone ever come here completely connected to Source?” I asked.

Jeshua, gently reminding me: “Everyone comes here completely connected to Source.”

“Does anyone come here without the mission to forget they’re connected to Source?” I asked, rephrasing my question.

“The greatest mission, especially right now, is to not forget. However, it’s going to take a few more generations of people to stand in their remembrance to undo the conditioning because the way it happens is when the seed implants into the uterus and the new human is formed, it is in full remembrance in that space. Sometimes in utero, it begins to forget based on how that parent is moving through their pregnancy. Let’s say there’s a lot of abuse or there’s drug abuse or substance abuse, it can begin a forgetting process on the fetus.

“Even if the forgetting process doesn’t take place and the human is birthed with a perfectly fine pregnancy, there is still societal conditionings that can dampen the truth of who we are. So, until enough people have become awakened in their own remembrance that their human conditioning doesn’t bleed upon the children who are brought into this world, that is when we will stop forgetting.

“It’s possible that there is a deeper remembrance and connection that is inherently felt within a person who hasn’t experienced abuse or conditioning. However, it is about understanding that some people are aware of it and some people are not.”